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Fear Not

May 4, 2016

About two weeks ago, my radioactive spider venom (infusion) kicked in and my  spidey senses are now tingling and I’m feeling fairly OK.  Not only am I not weeping at the thought of walking a few steps, but I am making a point of walking for exercise nearly every day to build up the strength and endurance I lost through this long winter.  This is HUGE!

As I was on my treadmill this morning, I was beginning to be the old me.  Competitive.  Aggressive.  Planner.  I was setting walking goals for myself for the rest of the month and through the summer.  Then, Relapsing Polychondritis reared its ugly head.  “But what if you have a flare up?  What if you go back to not being able to walk even a few steps?  In fact, that IS your future.  What makes you think you can be healthy?  Why are you bothering?”

I finished my time on the treadmill somewhat dejected.  Why DO I bother?  What’s the point?

As I continued on my morning routines, I kept thinking about this.  I tried to come up with a way to move forward and my answer was “Gratitude and Acceptance.”

I am grateful to feel relatively well right now and try to “give thanks in all circumstances.”  Have I enjoyed my sicker times?  No.  I did try to be grateful and focus on what I did have rather than focus on my losses, though.

When I was originally diagnosed, I spent a few days in bed crying and mourning.  I didn’t stay there long, though.  God gave me the gift of acceptance and helped me to “be content whatever the circumstances.”  I long for more, but I truly don’t waste time asking “Why me?” or screaming “It’s not fair!”  Well, it ISN’T fair and I would prefer to not have Relapsing Polychondritis, but knowing this won’t change anything.  I hope that this gift of acceptance will allow me to move forward in confidence that when my health goes sideways (and it will), knowing that I will not be alone as I accept my new cirumstance.

Basically I decided to live my life as fully as I can, trusting God.  I will enjoy today and “not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”


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  1. Cyn permalink

    That’s a fantastic attitude!!!

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