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Today’s JOY — What Lump?

October 23, 2013

Picking today’s joy was EASY!

So, back in August I found this lump.  I was already scheduled for a mammogram in September so I just let it ride for a week or two.  The tests confirmed that I did, indeed, have a lump.  Several other problems showed up that day and we were taking one day, one symptom, one test at a time.

I endured the long weeks of waiting with the threat of “cancer” over my head.  The food poisoning did a great job at taking my mind off of it for a few weeks, but I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday.  You might have noticed.

During these weeks, I kept thinking, “Having Relapsing Polychondritis and being diagnosed with breast cancer (note: I do not have breast cancer!) is like going to a gunfight and getting shot with an arrow.”  It’s so unexpected and feels completely unfair.

About a month ago, the ultrasound technician and I were chatting while she was doing her job, but her face fell when she saw the lump on the screen.  That gal should NOT play poker.  I told her, “If it makes you feel any better, I already know about that.”  I had the same technician today, and she wasn’t chatty or casual; she was very serious and prepared to do her job.  When she finished, she said, “Stay put.  The doctor may want to examine you further.”  Awesome (sarcasm font).  The doctor came in and re-did the ultrasound.  The doctor said, “We cannot find anything.”  Awesome (no sarcasm font this time).  The doctor continued talking to me, letting me know that I could not have felt the lump (trust me, I did).  She acted like I made this up, but my previous ultrasounds show that I did not.  I did not like this doctor, but I liked the paper she handed me.  It said, “No evidence of cancer.”  Those are now my favorite words.

I do not know why my lump is gone and truthfully I do not care because I’m giving God the credit regardless.  If the lump were a residual inflammation from my illness back in August and it finally went away, great.  If God miraculously took this lump away, great too.  All things are under His control and He can deal with me as He desires, explained or not.

If this had been cancerous, I would have had to stop treating my Relapsing Polychondritis in favor of treating the cancer.  My Relapsing Polychondritis is not in remission; it is (barely!) controlled by medication and without treatment this disease would be out of control.  If I were to have surgery, I would risk waking up with a tracheotomy because my trachea is being damaged by this disease.  I had these worries before the normal “will they be able to cure my cancer?” worries.

God and I had long discussions about how much I didn’t want to go through this entire ordeal.  If I were meant to go through this, I would have tried to praise Him through it, but I’m glad He agreed with me and spared me from this experience.

Ephesians 3:20-21

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!  Amen.

 

 

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One Comment
  1. Ramona permalink

    So happy for you that you don’t have to deal with cancer in addition to RP!

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